Archive for August, 2008

A Little Woman

“A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.”

Enid Bagnold

He didn’t tell me how to live…

He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.
Clarence Budington Kelland

The Car Wash = The House of Horrors

About one year ago I took Lex with me to the car wash. It was one of those car washes that you ride through with your car as the brushes, sprays, soaps, and air blasts remove all of the grime from your vehicle. The adventurous boy in me loves riding through these and I thought Lex, at about 8 months of age might enjoy it too. I could not have been more wrong.

Lex was in his car seat in the middle of the backseat, as he should always be, when entered the house of horrors. I was half distracted by the spinning brushes and sprays coming at us that I did not immediately notice Lex’s obvious face of sheer terror. As the brushes and foam hit the car I looked to Lex to see if he was enjoying the experience. At that moment he started shreaking in terror. I tried to calm him down with my voice, trying to sell the whole thing is good fun, as I struggled out of my seat belt, got him out of his car seat, and pulled him into the front seat with me.

I felt terrible and foolish to have assumed he would enjoy such a potentially frightening experience. He called down pretty quickly after we got out. I was able to pull over at the neighboring Jack-in-the-Box and took him in for a change of scenery. We enjoyed some cheap fries together and then headed home to tell Momma the story of our unexpected adventure.

Now fast-forward 1 year, to last month. The car was VERY dirty and in need of a serious wash. In fact, it was so dirty that I felt I was violating my responsible fatherhood by allowing it to remain like that. You see, we have a two car garage that is somewhat toddler-proof and fairly clean, an so we often let Lex play int here and he frequently runs his hand along the side of the car as he strolls past it. Given the unknown, yet suspected, contaminants in the grime that was on the car, I felt it was time to take the responsible fatherhood initiative and get the car washed again (yes, after nearly 1 year). In fact, my wife was already urging me to do this too!

I hadn’t forgotten our previous car wash adventure; not at all. However, I didn’t think it was a concern seeing as how this daddy’s boy was a “big boy” now. What a mistake!

We went to a different car wash, but the inside pandemonium was quite similar. Again I was into the excitement of the moment and making certain that I was not pressing the breaks. Just as the brushes hit I looked to Lex int he rear-view mirror and then I spun around in the front seat immediately. Lex was literally shaking with fear. His little arms were half stretched-out, with his hands open, and he has shaking them. His face had the look of pure terror. It broke my heart in an instance and I tried to get him out as quickly as possible.

Once freed from his car seat I again pulled him up front with me and he clung to me like never before. He pushed his head in under my chin and into my neck with a full and constant force; as if he were trying to bury his head. He stayed like this all through the ordeal. As we rolled out of the newly discovered house of horrors and into the sunlight, I shifted the car and maneuvered to an open parking spot near the vacuum stations. All during this time Lex never loosened his grip or stopped pressing his head in to my neck and chest. You’d think it would be hard to drive like this, but his grip was so tight that I didn’t have to hold him and our car is an automatic.

All of my calming words, playing calming music, and tactile reassurement took about 5 minutes to have any effect on Lex. Slowly his feeling of terror faded away and again I took him to the nearest local establishment (grocery store) to help reset him for the journey home. He of course, for got about everything by the time the shopping and playing were through. I don’t think I will be taking him to the car wash for a long time. Or perhaps, I could take him and just dismount the car before it enters the house of horrors and pick it up at the end. If not, I think I need to find a different sort of car wash.

Bumped His Head, Goose Egg, Daddy’s Boy, Responsbile Fatherhood?

Last week, while exploring my responsible fatherhood and around the outside of a local business in the early afternoon with my son there was an accident. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the moment, terrain, activity, or clothing. I had just redirected Lex away from the trash collection area and he took off running like he usually does. Then it seems his feet failed him. One foot caught on the other, I think, and Lex fell hard and fast. I recall two sounds, the first one seemed normal, like little knees or arms hitting the ground, but the second one was bone chilling. It was an almost hollow thud.

I jumped into action quickly expecting the worst, but acting like nothing that bad had occurred. Lex was speechless at first, but his mouth was open. So I scanned him quickly, checked the teeth and the chin immediately. I was looking for blood or at least a telling mark. I found nothing at first, but then it found me. Within seconds a large baby-sized goose egg was forming on my son’s forehead and there were small scrapes to confirm undeniable wound. That thud was his forehead bouncing off of the asphalt. Ouch!

Lex cried, of course, but it did not last as long as I through it would. Now I was singing as I jogged with him over to the car were I knew his sippy cup was. The sippy cup is now his primary hydration and soothing device. Once all of those things came together Lex settled down, while his goose egg kept growing. I know that it helped that I didn’t freak out. Past accidents became so much more terrifying for Lex when I freaked out. So I told myself, “no more freaking out!”

I took Lex to see “Mommy”, although I must say this was more informational then a part of the solution. Lex is a daddy’s boy now. I’m just lucky that he’s chosen me for that role. I do spend more time with him and we do share pretty much all of his adventures together; so it makes sense that he has chosen me as his ultimate comforter. I know of too many mothers who do as much or more than I do with their children and yet still their children become a daddy’s boy or a daddy’s girl. Its harsh for them.

Anyway, after a few other seemingly serious accidents (falling down stairs, for example) and subsequent trips to the ER or calls to the doctor, we have learned what to look out for int he case of a possible concussion. Throughout the day we looked to see if his eyes became dilated. We checked his balance as well and watched for signs of nausea. He never showed any of these and so we felt that there was no permanent damage, but we did check on his a couple times through the night to be sure. By the way, he woke quite a bit in the late night and early morning, more than usual, but his sleep cycle was nearly normal after that first night. We did give him some Children’s Tylenol and later Ibuprofen.

Just before Lex went to be, my wife criticized my caution and attention when I’m out with Lex. I regret my response, I was very upset. I felt that I had done everything I should do and that this was something that just happened. I said this, in a not-so-nice tone and I struck out saying or thinking (I don’t remember) that if she actually spent some time with Lex outdoors she would see the same things happen. I argued that if I were to try and prevent every single possible accident then Lex would never get to have any fun or experience anything freely.

I was very upset and it showed. She asked me to calm down, especially in front of Lex. I did, on the outside. After Lex was to bed, I tried to bring up the topic, but she refused to talk about it. Later, I felt like a jerk. If there was really nothing that I could do to prevent this accident, then we couldn’t I feel satisfied in my responsible fatherhood for the day. Looking back now, I suppose the accident shook me up some. I felt strongly that it was not my fault, but I did wonder if there was something more I could have done then I think I subconsciously still wonder if perhaps there are other moments, when I am not representing responsible fatherhood, and something bad could happen but doesn’t.

How to Find a Babysitter – Sittercity.com Review

Let’s face it, after spending so many sleepless nights, fussing over so many feeding choices, and working so hard to get your child’s routine set we all have a fear, whether recognized or subconscious that introducing a babysitter could put all of that at risk. The truth is that even if a babysitter ignored most of your routines and made poor choices it usually takes 3-4 violations or omissions to break a good habit. So even if the babysitter totally screws up, your little 12-hours-straight sleeping beauty won’t permanently abandon that “nirvana” or sleep cycles.

How to find a Babysitter

Nevertheless, this is a priceless, irreplaceable little being. Even if you are not worried about breaking any good routines and habits, you don’t want to trust her care to just anyone. When you have exhausted all relatives and friends as babysitters or, like me, you don’t have any nearby were to do you turn to find a babysitter? Some turn to teenage neighbors or members of their local faith. sometimes, this isn’t an option and one might be tempted to take a look on their city’s Craigslist or newspaper’s classified ads. However, if you choose this route you don’t really know anything about those offering their services and you would have to invest quite a bit of time to find out if you can trust them. Don’t worry, I have an alternative…

Sittercity.com Review to the Rescue

Sittercity.com is an excellent resource for your babysitter search. Seriously, it is definitely worth your time and consideration. But you say, “Wait a minute, isn’t that just another website like Craigslist?” Well, technically, yes, it is a website, but its what’s behind the website and that you should care about. Sittercity.com puts all of its sitters through a 4-step screening process. It runs background checks on all of them and it even makes them available to registered members! It presents a sitter’s customized profile (including age) to you which even shows the sitter’s calendar availability and general locality. You can also read referrals and reviews from fellow parents on each sitter (where available). In fact, most sitter profiles include a photograph and many of them also include a video interview with the sitter. Try to get all of that through Craigslist.

So what’s the catch you ask? None really if you consider peace of mind and the security of your children to be of any value. Sittercity.com does charge a registration fee and its experienced and screened sitters might charge a little more than the twelve-year-old down the street. However, in the end you will be able to focus more on the reason you need a sitter and spend less time trying to find the perfect one from your child(ren). Therefore, in my opinion, you really can’t go wrong with the service. Take a look for yourself.

You owe it to your responsible fatherhood initiative to take look. Truthfully you owe it to yourself, companion, and child to take some time off and away. Take your wife or significant other out on a date and enjoy yourself. It will do everyone good and you will enjoy the time more if you feel safe and comfortable with the babysitter who is taking care of your child(ren).

For a limited time True Fatherhood readers can get a 10% discount of of their registration (see details below):

Online Education = The Only College for True Fathers?

Almost 3 years ago I completed a college degree at the local university. I and many of my cohorts were lucky enough to find a program that was full-fledged and offered in the evening. Within the cohort (the group of students that started and finished the degree at about the same time and shared most of the same classes) there were quite a few parents and a few became parents during our degree pursuit. None of the new or pre-existing parents failed to complete the degree and I think this was a direct result of the structure of the program.

Again my program was a night program and so I could actually see myself doing this now with Lex in my life, but there are many parents who don’t have such a program available to them in the area they wish/need to study. This is where an Online Degree can enter the equation. I can’t vouch for the apparent yet completely relative simplicity and obvious time savings by the lack of commute, but I can tell you that I have taken a few online courses and they went pretty well. I actually still remember much of the teachings (which cannot be said of all of my attended courses) and I overall enjoyed the experience. If this interests you I highly recommend that you pursue only Accredited Online Degrees, because although other programs might fit your lifestyle if they are not accredited then they may be a waste of your time and money.

Even something as technical as Online engineering degree is a possibility. I have also recently come across Westwood College which has a curriculum with such majors as construction management and includes the ability for students to attend a traditional campus in locations across the United States or attend online courses which can accommodate even the busiest of schedules.

Baby, Infant, Toddler, Parenting Freebies

I have been hooked on FatWallet.com since 2000. Over the years it has probably saved me hundreds of dollars directly and even earned my at least a thousand through miscellaneous offers. Anyway, the value of FatWallet was never stronger than when we were preparing for Lex’s birth. I found a forum topic there titled “Baby Freebies” that was invaluable.

It seems that the topic was not maintained in the last year or so and so it fell into FW’s archives. Since I wanted to share it with you all I decided to revive it. Hopefully I will have the time to see it through to complete up-to-dateness; however, I expect that my fellow FatWalleters (and perhaps even some of you) might help build it back up.

Please check the new FW topic titled “Official Baby and Early Parenting Freebies Thread (revived)“. Already there is a list of at least 10 freebies for parents and parents-to-be to request.

You’ll Never Be Ready

You’ll NEVER be ready. That’s just the way it is.
My Own Father, circa 2004/2005, said in response to some comment from me about trying to be more fully prepared to have a child

You Can Be Called a “Real Son”

“When your father is alive, observe his will. When your father is dead observe his former actions. If, for three years [after the death of your father] you do not change from the ways of your father, you can be called a ‘real son’.”

Confucius, Chinese social philosopher, 479 B.C.

Nighttime Routine Suggestion: Hum the Same Tune

Something about Japan that always puts a smile on my face is that many stores play “Auld Lang Syne” when they are closing. When my son was very young and I started to give him his nighttime bottle routinely I decided to augment his bedtime routine a little more by humming the same tune each time there was only one tune that seemed appropriate.

1.5 year later Lex’s mother and I still hum “Auld Lang Syne” to him as he drinks down his final bottle (yes, a bottle still, but it is his only one all day long, promise!). I’ve written about the miracle of routines, but this one is particularly miraculous.

Nighttime Routine Humming Switches Gears

At least once every two week Lex is over-tired or just plain cranky. I tell myself each time that even though he is jumping out of my arms just as we get his night-clothes on and reach for the bottle, that I should give the rest of the routine a try. As I start to lay him back on his “feeding pillow” and place a simple “burping cloth” over his forehead (other parts of his nighttime routine) I start humming “Auld Lang Syne”. Then, by the time I bring the bottle to his mouth, nine nights out of these ten cranky nights Lex switches gear completely and calmly drinks down the bottle. When done he immediately goes willingly to his crib and we don’t hear from him for the rest of the night.

Step Up as a Responsible Father

If your child has a nighttime routine that you don’t know 100% then step up as a responsible father. Learn it and reinforce it. If you feel the routine could be enhanced I recommend adding a hummed tune, possibly always the same one. We’ve had wonderful results. Lex was a terrible nighttime sleeper once, but now I barely even remember those nights and I partially credit the routine and “Auld Lang Syne”.