Mi Paternidad Verdadera
Por Rodrigo Galván
La paternidad verdadera, cuando me pongo a pensar en el titulo de esta página lo primero que tengo que pensar es si yo sé que es la paternidad verdadera, y al día de hoy todavía la estoy descubriendo, asi que si vienes a esta página para resolver la pregunta , soy un buen padre? Creo que no estás preguntándole a la persona correcta, la única persona que te puede responder eso eres tu, No tus hijos, ellos solo podrán responder, ”Fui un buen padre?” Y quizá para cuando te puedan responder sinceramente ya será muy tarde; Ni tu pareja , ella solo podrá responder, ”Soy una buena pareja?” Ten en cuenta que tu pareja también tiene necesidades, de atención, de cariño, el hecho de que seas padre no te quita que seas su pareja, es muy importante que tomes en cuenta eso ; la verdad es que son preguntas muy ambiguas, que hace a un padre un verdadero padre? quizá hay tantas respuestas como hijos , como personas en este planeta, lo que si te puedo comentar es que NO hace a un buen padre, y trataré de enlistar las cosas más comunes ya que para todos puede haber excepciones asi que empezare con darte mis 3 recomendaciones de cómo NO ser un padre verdadero según mi corta experiencia.
- Un padre NO verdadero NO está ahí para sus hijos,
“tu trabajas para vivir, no vives para trabajar”
Decidí empezar con el más polémico de los puntos ya que este punto también lleva a una questionante, que es “estar ahí”, para mi es simplemente estar al pendiente de sus necesidades, entonces cuales son sus necesidades? , esas solo las podrás responder mientras conoces a tu hij@, una de sus necesidades probablemente será verte, asegúrate de que te vea, al día de hoy hay mil formas de hacer video llamadas en caso de estar fuera, háblale aunque no te entienda, pon fotos tuyas en todas partes, salgan mucho, diviértanse como familia, asegúrate de que te vea por lo menos una vez al dia, disfruta de su compañía y tu hij@ disfrutará de la tuya. Muchas veces no se puede, toma encuentra que es mas importante, esa junta en el trabajo? O el partido de beisbol o la presentación de ballet de tu hij@; si no sabes la respuesta, preguntale a tu hij@?
- Un padre NO verdadero NO crea un vinculo con su hij@
“Que tu hij@ te considere su segunda Mama”
Darles de comer, cambiar un pañal, arropar a tus hijos, bañarlos, dormirlos a las 2 a.m. esas son cosas que no te puedes perder, quizá te de miedo al principio, o cansancio pero es normal nadie nació sabiendo como cambiar un pañal, ofrécele a tu pareja que tu te encargas de alguna tarea en especial, tu pareja trabaja tan duro como tu, deja que descanse los fines de semana y aprovecha para crear ese vinculo, quizá por el tiempo será difícil coordinarse, pero por ejemplo el baño es algo que puedes hacer por tu hijo todos los días o el despertarse a las 2 o a la 1 am aunque tengas trabajo al día siguiente, tu pareja pero sobre todo tu hij@ to lo agradecerá , ese tipo de cosas crean vínculos aunque no lo creas para tu hij@ que no puede todavía no puede hablar, cuando le cambias un pañal estas ayudándolo a sentirse mejor y eso lo sabe, y aprende que tu estas ahí para hacerlo sentir mejor, eso es la base de el cariño, una ves que hayas cumplido con lo básico, juega con el/ella, juega todo el dia no importa lo cansado, báilale, cántale , se su mejor amigo, cuidado la televisión lo hace por ti, que no sea la tele un mejor padre que tu.
- Un padre NO verdadero NO vive en armonía con los demás.
“No compres una casa , crea un Hogar”.
Tu eres su ejemplo, o su primer amor, ten cuidado con lo que le enseñas a tu hijo porque ellos aprenden todo de ti aunque no creas que están aprendiendo, ellos te ven cuando maldices, cuando das sobornos, cuando compras piratería cuando gritas y maltratas a la gente que quieres, verbal o físicamente, me da mucha pena hablar de este asunto pero nosotros somos los que moldeamos ese pedazo de arcilla que nos mandan del cielo, y muchas veces no nos damos cuenta que estamos moldeando a un criminal, a un golpeador, o algo que no sea tan obvio, a una persona que no sabe querer o rechaza a los que lo quieren por no saber manejar ese cariño, es el momento de mirar atrás y caminar hacia delante, si esperas que tu hijo sea mejor que tu y tenga una vida mejor a la que tu tuviste es el momento de ser mejor, se mejor tu para tu hijo.
Empecé la plática con decirles que yo no se cómo ser un padre verdadero, y quizá lo que yo les comentó no sea la solución a los problemas del mundo, pero si te digo que si tu eres un buen padre, tendrás un buen hijo, y ese hijo sabrá dar cariño a los demás y sabrá la diferencia entre lo que es bueno y lo que no es, ser padre es más que solo tener un hijo, es criar a un hijo, y tienes mas responsabilidad sobre tus hombros de lo que crees, de ti depende que ese hijo o hija tenga los valores tuyos y de tu pareja y que al final sea igual o mejor persona que tu.
Atte.
Un papa haciendo un hogar para que su hija de 10 meses crezca siendo feliz.
Categories: Articles Tags: Español, Example, Hands-On Dad, Parental Roles, Spanish
The Absent-Minded Tooth Fairy
There are a handful of events that parents must not overlook when kids are involved, especially when the entire magic of those events depends entirely on the parent(s) playing his/her foreordained role. Tooth Fairy is very much one of those roles.
Categories: Articles Tags: Parental Roles, Tooth Fairy
Milk Kefir for Children: Excellent Probiotics and a Milk Allergy Cure?
In case you have not read some of the other articles I’ve published on this web site, I should begin by saying that my son had terrible colic, was diagnosed with severe GERD (Gastroesophageal reflux disease) at 2 month of age, and was diagnosed with a bad milk allergy by his 8th month. At the writing of this article my son is 3.9 years old.
Six months ago my wife started looking into Milk Kefir as a treatment for some health issues she was experiencing; she also thought that my son and I would benefit from its consumption. Instead of trying to list the various health benefits in this article, I’d like to point out that it has a very high concentration of probiotics and has been alleged to aid digestion, lower cholesterol/blood-pressure, and incite world peace. I let you guess which of those is an exaggeration of the truth. The following links might educate you better: Wikipedia’s Kefir Page and Comprehensive Kefir Information from a believer
About 4 months ago we started put teaspoons of Kefir Cream Cheese in my son’s juice once or twice a day. Kefir Cream Cheese is made by removing much of the whey from Milk Kefir in order to thicken it, concentrate many of its nutrients, and reduce its lactose content. We used such small amounts to both ease him into the taste (which is a little like a sour yogurt) and ease his digestive system into regular dairy consumption. Steadily we increased the content until about 3 weeks ago we started giving his up to 3 ounces of Kefir Cream Cheese mixed with 4 ounces of juice. Lex appropriately calls it “milk juice”. He often requests it throughout the day and I estimate that he consumes up to 7-9 fluid ounces of concentrated Kefir Cream Cheese per day.
The Proof is in the Pudding
On his current diet of Milk Kefir Lex can now eat any quantity of and variety of cheese without any digestive issues. Three years ago, the smallest trace of any dairy product gave him endless diarrhea. We no longer give him daily does of Culterelle Probiotics. We expect that 20+ friendly bacteria strains in Milk Kefir are more than enough for our son. Honestly, Lex is the most regular that he has ever been.
Perhaps coincidentally we were able to reduce his GERD PPI medicine by half for the first time after after Lex was taking Kefir for two months. This was totally unexpected after so many previous failed attempts. I can’t help bu think there is a connection between this wonder food and the improvement in his reflux.
We recently went on a cruise and for some very foolish reason we did not take any Milk Kefir or Kefir Cream Cheese; we took some Soy Milk instead. Bad idea. Firstly he would barely drink it. Secondly, although we resumed giving him 1 capsule of Culterelle probiotics each day, Lex developed a bad case of diarrhea. We are almost certain it came from all of the cheese and deserts that we let him eat while on the cruise. When we cut off the cheese and dairy-containing desserts Lex returned to normal. I am almost certain that if we had been giving him Kefir Cream Cheese as regularly as we do at home that he would not have had any digestive problems. Needless to say, when we got home we were all happy for him to get back on his super probiotic-fortified milk Kefir.
Conclusion
I was skeptical of Milk Kefir and all of the miraculous claims that my wife told me about, but after what I have witnessed I now cannot deny that it has helped my son greatly. He likes the flavor and I know that he loves the ability to eat regular cheese and even regular ice cream without getting diarrhea or bad gas. Even I feel better when regularly eating it and it has lowered my wife’s cholesterol as well! Has it cured my son’s Milk Allergy? No, but it is treating it, or rather it is controlling it and permitting him to eat, within reason, as all of his other friends do without any concerns. We don’t even tell others that he has a milk allergy anymore and we don’t worry about him being offered or finding dairy products.
Update – Lex Age 5.2
We now give Lex just about 1/3 cup of straight milk kefir mixed with about 3/4 cup of 100% fruit juice. He seems to like it and it mixes more smoothly. He seems even more regular now than before and more importantly he seems to have no trouble with the occasional ice cream or chocolate milk. We still add KAL Crystal Calcium to the “shake” and also supplement every other day with those Calcium Gummy Bears.
Categories: Articles Tags: Dairy Allergy, GERD, Kefir, Milk Allergy, reflux
Enjoying Tokyo with Your Toddler and Seeing a Side You Wouldn’t Otherwise (2 of 2)
PLEASE NOTE: If you haven’t yet read the first part of the Article (part 1 of 2) then I highly recommend that you start there first.
The following is a continuation of the lit of places that I have enjoyed in Tokyo with my 3-year-old son and I highly recommend that you and your toddler, pre-schooler, or older child explore them together.
Kameido Sun Street
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Sun Street Kameido (link) is a swirling cluster of mall stores generally geared towards children and parents. On the weekends they have a train for the kids. Towards the back there is a big slide and in the middle there are often free concerts and games for the kids. They have a great pet store, Sizzler, a grocery store, homegoods oriented Daiso (100 Yen store chain), a nice 300 Yen store, a store with affordable kids and mother’s clothing, lots of coin operated rides, etc. My son generally loved going there. There is a Toys R Us, probably the largest one in the area. If you want to get a feel for
Shinjuku Times Square
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The satellite view of this area is a bit scary, but my son loved exploring all of the different views from the ground as well as the views from the top of the Takashimaya department store (east side looking out over Tokyo) and from the Hotel Restaurant floor (18?) just west of Francfranc. Krispy Kreme is just north of Francfranc and he loved that place (especially the free donuts given while in line). The Christmas lights here are amazing. It is fun to watch the trains below. There is a big bookstore with lots of kids books just south of Tokyu Hands. The Takashimaya department store has lots of fun toys out to play with and there is a small park and fountain on 12th or 13th floor.
Shinjuku Station Department Stores
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Many of the department stores in Tokyo are wonderful for two reasons: they have handicap bathrooms with wonder changing tables and they have great toys that your children can play with. Our favorite department stores where Tokyu (Shibuya), Odakyu (Shinjuku), Keiyo (Shinjuku), Takashimaya (Shinjuku), and any other department store with Bornelund store. If you are looking to purchase any Japanese toys and you want the best deal I would head to Yodobashi Camera in Akihabara for the very best prices and Toys-R-Us for almost as good a deal. In most cases, your child will enjoy Toys-R-Us and their surrounding locations much more.
NHK Studio Park / Yoyogi Park / Meiji Jingu Shrine
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A northern walk from Shibuya, or a quick jump on a “Hachiko” bus from the station will bring you to 
the NHK Studio park. This national television station has created a theme park which shares a little of their world with the public. I have been twice and I can say that my toddler enjoyed it as much as I did. Just to the north of the NHK studios begins a long, wide sidewalk that leads you to Yoyogi Park. This park is pretty good. Very big, lots of paved trails, lots of trees, lot of grassy areas, lots of benches, lots of ponds. My son really enjoyed this one, and it is just the prelude to the must-see Meiji Jingu Shrine. Bring an ERGO baby carrier, or an off-road stroller for that hike.
Ginza, Clocks and Sony Building
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The Sony Building may be quite interesting to some children. My toddler loved the annual aquarium event (Early August).
He also enjoyed exploring the first few floors and watching a movie up on the top floor. The Yurakucho station is interesting and you can find a Krispy Kreme in one of the small underground malls. There are some great clocks in Ginza and some are animated in the afternoon (I forget which hour, its either 4, 5, or 6 PM).
Roppongi Hills Park
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The park behind the Roppongi Hills buildings is interesting. It has a slide that is sort of like a pyramid and swings that are safe for very young toddlers. There is a pond here and a basketball court. The inside of the main building (the mall) is interesting as well. If you go to the basement you might be able to find those $100 mangoes, grapes, and $300 square watermelons. In the passageway/breezeway there are lots of free cultural events; look for announcements and plan a return at night.
Tokyo Tower
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My son loved the “bounce house” up on the 3rd or 4th floor called “Nipponland” (as I recall). Entrance fee covers the first 30 minutes and then you pay a little for each additional 10 minutes. They have a pool of plastic balls, lots of bouncing, annoying blaring music, and those huge soft blocks. The roof of the building under the tower has a kiddie amusement park (a bit better than those found on top of some department stores).
Hibiya Park
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This park is near the Imperial Gardens and very much in the middle of Tokyo. It has a nice hill to climb, and Liberty Bell replica that was given to Japan, and some of the best swings in Tokyo. The park really helps balance out the more crowded parts of Tokyo with its spaciousness. The concrete animals are an interesting feature.
Closest Stations: Kasumigaseki and Hibiya
Tokyo Metropolitan Children’s Hall (Tokyo-To Jido Kaikan)
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In the area between Shibuya and Omotesando stations there are two large buildings dedicated to children and the exploration of their world. One is called “The Children’s Hall” and the other is called “The Children’s Castle“. The Children’s Hall is free and, having visited both I, it may be just as good or even better depending on your child’s interests. 
The Children’s Castle seems to receive more Japanese children, but my son and I always felt very welcome exploring all of the different rooms and stations. We enjoyed the play room of course (indoor playground, toy trains, etc.), loved the music room, learned in the art room, romped around on the roof, built cool wood projects in the basement, ate delicious onigiri in the cafeteria, and loved discovering all of the rest of the games. It can get crowded in the afternoons, but in the mornings you will have the place to yourself and be welcomed by the warm smiles on the women and security guard at the front door.
Closest Station: Shibuya, exit 13a. If you are exploring Shibuya on the surface the easiest way to find The Children’s Hall is to located Tower Records (big yellow and red building) and then head east on the road on it north side. Go under the JR tracks and after you pass Meiji-Dori, pass the “cocoti” store, and head up the hill just a little a ways, you will see The Children Hall on your left.
Helpful Online Resources
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Enjoying Tokyo with Your Toddler and Seeing a Side You Wouldn’t Otherwise (1 of 2)
In every place that I have lived or visited since Lex came into my life I have found great appreciation for the information I have received which helped me find new places and new ways to enjoy the location. Discovering these places with Lex has helped me see the location from a different perspective, often making an old place seem new again, like turning old stomping grounds into unexplored frontiers. Lex did this for me with Portland, Oregon and with Tokyo, Japan. In this article, I would like to help others enjoy and explore Tokyo with their toddler (or young child) and I invite all comments and suggestions that you may have on the topic.
Covering the Basics
You can’t really enjoy anything until you met your child’s basic needs. So let me break it down for you quickly:
Diapers: The cheapest place to get diapers is almost always at Toy’s R Us. There are located Ikebukuro’s Sunshine City, Kameido’s Sun Street, Shimura San-Chome, or at least those are the ones I have been to. The ones at Sunshine City and Kameido are the best locations because there is plenty for your little one to do in the area. Toy’s R Us usually posts the price per diaper, but calculate it, all of the pull-up brands they sell are great and perhaps the Genki brand are the best if you must have the best. Know your child’s weight in Kilograms. “Big” is the size Lex wears as a toddler. FYI, any larger supermarket with a sale on diapers will probably have a good price too.
Wipes: I don’t like Japanese brand wipes. Bring your favorite wipes if you can, if not get to a Costco. Otherwise, make do with the Japanese ones.
Changing Diapers: Diaper changing stations accessible to fathers are limited to very family-oriented places such as Toys-R-Us and Kameido SunStreet (see below for more info) and handicap bathrooms of upscale department stores. A good spy always knows his exits and a great parent always knows where to find a location to change stinky nappies. By the way, pack freezer Zip-Loc bags with you, because no one wants to smell your child’s masterpiece.
Food and Drink: Toys-R-Us sells lots of feeding products, juice boxes, and formula (I think). American fast food can be found nearly everywhere, including in most convenience stores.
Miscellaneous:If your little darling is attached to a certain sippy cup, bring 3 or 4 backups. Otherwise feel confident that you will be able to find any other thing you need. Toys can be found at their lowest prices in Yodobashi Camera (Akihabara, a.k.a. Akiba) or for a little more at Toy’s R Us. Bring a compass, or get one at a 100 Yen shop. North with me the Kanji highlighted in a different color. The compass will help you know which way to go when you will undoubtedly get confused (especially when taking subway trains). Get an ERGO baby carrier and keep it with you at all times for safety, comfort, and sanity.
Imperial Resident Park
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My son loved this park and I enjoyed it a lot as well. 
It has a lot of swings, a nice wooden play structure (off to the North side, watch out for the roller slide, a pinching hazard), a very nice and large granite rock wading fountain, a fenced/covered sandbox, and more. The park has a large sports practice field and even a basketball court too (as I recall). The park is quite spacious and generally a treat to visit.
Closest train station: Shinanomachi
Hiroo Park
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Just north of the Hiroo station, across from the National Azabu supermarket (lots of foreigners shop there for homeland favorites), there is a great park with a big pond, ducks, ancient style bridges, waterfalls, docks, great fall foliage, and lots of paths. There are no playground structures here, but the kid won’t miss them.
Hiroo Playground
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This is a nice playground just south of Roppongi and north of Hiroo. It sits west of the Kogai Elementary School on Gaien-nishi Dori. It has a large sandbox area and a very large wooden play structure with a zip line that can be fun for older kids.
Mita’s Pirate Boat Playground
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It seems that all parks in Tokyo are unique, but this might be one of the most unique from a child’s point of view. It has a wooden pirate boat buried in the sand and ready to be played with by imaginative buccaneers.
This park is literally hidden, but somehow it has been found by many locals. It is just South-East of the Mita subway station and it right along the unmissable JR lines that pass every minute or less. There is a fountain that runs during the day which is also quite unique and would be nice to run through on a hot day. Just under the JR rails to the south east of the park is a larger more spacious park with some different playground structures. Lex and I often hit one and then the other with every outing in this direction. If you have a bike or take Taxi then you can easily head north from here and hit the Hinode pier and take a nice boat ride too, making for a wonderful day out.
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Hinode Pier/Odaiba Seaside Park
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Hinode pier is not much to look at, but the water bus/cruise ride is amazing.
I recommend a round trip ticket to Odaiba Seaside Park where you leave in the morning or afternoon and return later at night under the lights and stars. 
Sure you could get there on the Yurikamome line, if you do get the front seat if at all possible and your child will love it, but taking a water bus/cruise is so much nicer and not really much more expensive. My toddler loved playing at the Odaiba beach with the locals and getting lots of attention from the teens and twenty-somethings. The Ferris Wheel is a must see (very safe for children) and there is a fun, large children’s store in Venus Fort (with Totoro’s cat bus, fur and all). Of course, closer to the beach they have lots of arcades and other fun happenings.
Ikebukuro Sunshine City
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This is a huge indoor mall with some interesting destinations that toddlers and children in general can find quite interesting. My 3-year-old Lex loved exploring all of the different Cars in the Toyota Auto Salon Amlux. Even at his age, he enjoyed much of the very affordable indoor theme park called “Namco Namja Town” (link to some info). There is a planetarium and an aquarium but we never made to either. Read more about it here. There is a Toys R Us (way in the back) here and some good deals can be found on clothing too in some of the other stores, especially if they are selling clothes in the kiosk areas. Tokyo Disney tickets can be bought here too, but not sure what the benefit is to buying them there.
Headstrong Toddlers: Parenting, Teaching, and Learning
Our darling little Lex has progressively become rather difficult in the last couple months. He is still two, but will turn three soon. I’ve found myself suddenly caught ill-prepared to deal with this stage of development. It is humbling. I thought I was doing a pretty good job, but lately it seems that for the past six months I missed some good opportunities to start providing better behavioral guidance. For example, giving him juice when he demanded it, just because I was pleased he could finally use “his own words” and express his desire. Now I am suddenly discovering that I need more developmental help than he does.
I have to try and resist with all of my will the urge to slap his hand and yell at him “No HITTING!!!”. Yes, it is ludicrous. I am the adult here and I know that example is the best teacher, and especially that bad example will override almost any other form of teaching. I need to step up my game fast before my own parental deficiencies harm my child’s development and even my marital stability.
Anyway, I have started searching the web for some help. I am also turning to my siblings for help. Some are in the same stages and some of them are ahead of me by years. I need all of the help I can get. Here are some of the published articles that I have found quite useful so far (this list should grow over time and I am open to suggestions):
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The Impact of the Unlived Life of the Parent
Carl Jung, Swiss Psychologist, stated that:
“Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.”
This statement is quite profound. Is it a grant of permission, a justification, for a parent to live their life the way the want to? Perhaps, with many qualifiers, yes it is.
Exploring this train of thought then it would seem to say that if your children are not harmed, neglected, or deprived by the life you truly want to live then they will benefit from you living it. When thinking of the inverse, a life unlived, then the truth of Jung’s statement become more clear.
A parent who puts their life on hold indefinitely, who feels unfulfilled, or who longs for a different life will always have feelings of resentment, emptiness, complacency, stress, and even hopelessness with their heart. Children are innately empathetic; they can sense the sincerity and true feelings of others. Indirectly they will also experience less than 100% of who their parent is. The parent may direct at least a portion of those feelings at their children. They may even blame the children for bringing about at least in part inability to live their lives.
What are the possible unlived lives we are speaking of for parents. They may be unpursued education, career opportunities, hobbies, social relationships, or romantic relationships. In many cases such pursuits are postponed partially in the name of parenthood and its demands. Carl Jung tells us that making such choices for the benefit of our children will harm them psychologically.
Perhaps I assume that they will harm them, therefore let us state that deferring life choices will ultimately strongly influence children. The single quote, taken from its context is all that I have now. Nevertheless, I logically assume that the strong influence would be a negative one.
What life have I not lived that maybe harming my son? Social relationships stand out as a deficit that I sometimes long for. To be honest that “life” went unlived after marriage, long before my son came along. Therefore, I can’t even logically blame his existence or demands of my time for this life deficit. Nevertheless, I could, ultimately for his benefit and that of my wife, seek to develop a portion of this unlived life. We may all become more complete as a result.
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They Grow Up So Fast: Enjoying the Present
There are moments when I find myself wishing Lex was a little older and able to do different things. There are also other times when my responsibilities with regards to Lex seem too large to be able to maintain a work-life-sleep balance. In those moments of weakness, the trials of parenthood, I find myself wishing I wasn’t such a hands-on dad (such as when I’m changing another poopy diaper), or rather that I had a few less responsibilities (such as always getting up with Lex during the night and in the mornings). However, when those moments pass I recognize that I am quite pleased with the way things are. In fact, I recognize that truly, they grow up so fast and the best I can do now is to explore and enjoy the journey in the present. Let me try to share the thought process that leads me to this conclusion.
Wishing to Return to Past Times
Looking through photos of Lex is always enjoyable. Doing so can also be surprising because it sparks feelings of nostalgia about tough times. Some of those photos were taken during times that seemed very difficult when they were happening. However, those photos can make me want to go back to Lex when he was at that point in time. They make me want to go back to those times which seemed so difficult at the moment.
When I recognize this longing for the Lex of the past I learn something very valuable about the present. If its possible for me to miss Lex of the past and the parenting experiences of the past, especially from very difficult trials of parenthood, then perhaps I didn’t fully appreciate those past times and Lex as he was at those points in time. Conversely, perhaps I did enjoy those moments to the fullest extent possible as they were happening, and yet I still wish I could jump back to a particular point in time.
Enjoy and Record the Present
Either possibility ultimately leads to the same conclusion: If I can miss my child’s past self or my past parenting experiences there is nothing I can do to bring those experiences back, the best that I can do is to appreciate and experience the present to the fullest. I should also learn from this that I should make regular efforts to record the present through photos, videos, and journal entries (but never to the point that either impeded enjoyment of the present). If I enjoy photos of the past now, I will certainly enjoy the photos of the present in the future.
Therefore, I should push out wishes that Lex would grow up faster. I should trust my own experience and that of most parents and accept that truthfully “they grow up so fast” already. So what if Lex isn’t ready for international travel. There is so much that he does now that is so much more enjoyable over the long run then a fleeting two-week trip abroad.
Enjoy the Ride – They Grow Up So Fast
I know that there are trials (terrible twos) ahead of us, but if I can remember this conclusion I’ll learn to find the enjoyment in the present, so that after the struggles I’m not left with regrets that I didn’t appreciate the moment. If I can make this conclusion a part of my core beliefs I will definitely be a better dad. I will be more solidly on the path of responsible fatherhood.
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Bumped His Head, Goose Egg, Daddy’s Boy, Responsbile Fatherhood?
Last week, while exploring my responsible fatherhood and around the outside of a local business in the early afternoon with my son there was an accident. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the moment, terrain, activity, or clothing. I had just redirected Lex away from the trash collection area and he took off running like he usually does. Then it seems his feet failed him. One foot caught on the other, I think, and Lex fell hard and fast. I recall two sounds, the first one seemed normal, like little knees or arms hitting the ground, but the second one was bone chilling. It was an almost hollow thud.
I jumped into action quickly expecting the worst, but acting like nothing that bad had occurred. Lex was speechless at first, but his mouth was open. So I scanned him quickly, checked the teeth and the chin immediately. I was looking for blood or at least a telling mark. I found nothing at first, but then it found me. Within seconds a large baby-sized goose egg was forming on my son’s forehead and there were small scrapes to confirm undeniable wound. That thud was his forehead bouncing off of the asphalt. Ouch!
Lex cried, of course, but it did not last as long as I through it would. Now I was singing as I jogged with him over to the car were I knew his sippy cup was. The sippy cup is now his primary hydration and soothing device. Once all of those things came together Lex settled down, while his goose egg kept growing. I know that it helped that I didn’t freak out. Past accidents became so much more terrifying for Lex when I freaked out. So I told myself, “no more freaking out!”
I took Lex to see “Mommy”, although I must say this was more informational then a part of the solution. Lex is a daddy’s boy now. I’m just lucky that he’s chosen me for that role. I do spend more time with him and we do share pretty much all of his adventures together; so it makes sense that he has chosen me as his ultimate comforter. I know of too many mothers who do as much or more than I do with their children and yet still their children become a daddy’s boy or a daddy’s girl. Its harsh for them.
Anyway, after a few other seemingly serious accidents (falling down stairs, for example) and subsequent trips to the ER or calls to the doctor, we have learned what to look out for int he case of a possible concussion. Throughout the day we looked to see if his eyes became dilated. We checked his balance as well and watched for signs of nausea. He never showed any of these and so we felt that there was no permanent damage, but we did check on his a couple times through the night to be sure. By the way, he woke quite a bit in the late night and early morning, more than usual, but his sleep cycle was nearly normal after that first night. We did give him some Children’s Tylenol and later Ibuprofen.
Just before Lex went to be, my wife criticized my caution and attention when I’m out with Lex. I regret my response, I was very upset. I felt that I had done everything I should do and that this was something that just happened. I said this, in a not-so-nice tone and I struck out saying or thinking (I don’t remember) that if she actually spent some time with Lex outdoors she would see the same things happen. I argued that if I were to try and prevent every single possible accident then Lex would never get to have any fun or experience anything freely.
I was very upset and it showed. She asked me to calm down, especially in front of Lex. I did, on the outside. After Lex was to bed, I tried to bring up the topic, but she refused to talk about it. Later, I felt like a jerk. If there was really nothing that I could do to prevent this accident, then we couldn’t I feel satisfied in my responsible fatherhood for the day. Looking back now, I suppose the accident shook me up some. I felt strongly that it was not my fault, but I did wonder if there was something more I could have done then I think I subconsciously still wonder if perhaps there are other moments, when I am not representing responsible fatherhood, and something bad could happen but doesn’t.
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Think Your Child Has Reflux? Trust Your Instincts
If you or your child’s other caregiver have ever thought, “I think my child has reflux” then I recommend that you explore that thought a little. Do some research (your off to a good start by reading this article) and trust your instincts. I was the doubting Thomas; however, luckily my wife was all observation, instinct, and research.
During those sleepless nights of my son constantly waking and crying inconsolably she scoured the web. At first my son’s symptoms did not fit textbook GERD; he rarely vomited. But my wife was observing Lex closely and she detected something more and I think I even heard something too; and so she kept digging. Eventually she discovered that there was something called Silent Reflux which rarely resulted in visible vomiting. After she explained this to me I detected it happening to my son. Vomit came up and then he swallowed it. In fact, it made sense; neither my wife nor I have vomited more than 5 times in our entire lives. Maybe Lex inherited that super power.
Well, somewhere along the way, I think before I completely accepted that there might be something wrong I got my son an appointment with a specialist. Even though at the time we had a PPO and we did not require a referral to see a specialist this was not an easy task. Firstly our pediatrician consistently told us that it was normal or that we needed to change my wife’s diet. We gave up on that route and we started going down the list of Pediatric Gastroenterologists on our insurance and in our area. Some were booking 3-4 months out (or more) and others required a referral from a pediatrician.
Regardless we found one that seemed qualified and had availability. Dr. Fernando Navarro, MD, saw us rather promptly and he took us very seriously. He listened to our concerns and observations and sent us away feeling relieved and with lab test orders. Now if you have to go out and find your own doctor I highly recommend that you credit your pediatrician with the referral. This smoothed things for us during the initial visit and during their communications later.
The testing was a nightmare that I never want to relive. My son was feeling so bad with his reflux that he was eating ever moment there was space in his tummy. He was very used to feeding every 2 hours, but they wanted him fasting for 3 hours before they placed the pH probe in his esophagus. This requirement was a little difficult, but when we showed up for the probe placement they could not get it calibrated. They spent what was about 1.5 hours trying and it felt like a lifetime. We were furious and Lex was in pain and very upset with us for not giving him his bottle. He was less than 2 months old then. It literally broke my heart. Now I why parents act as they do when their children are in pain, such the characters in stories and films like “
Anyway, to get to the point the probe was placed. Lex sneezed a lot, but slept well enough in the strange hotel room. He was very pleased to get the probe out. He also took a barium swallow test with video x-ray. It was cool to watch and he made me proud sucking down all that barium solution so effortlessly!
Anyway, the tests came back shortly and the doctor saw us immediately. The tests confirmed that Lex had “severe GERD”. We never felt so validated, especially my wife and we did all but beat our pediatrician over the head with the report.
The doctor gave us a prescription for Zantac which worked well for Lex for about one month. This comes in an off-the-shelf prescription solution. The problem is that for some reason most kids’ reflux stops responding to it after a short while. My wife was again researching away and discovered all this was normal and that many parents were having luck with Prevacid. He got so bad he went on a hunger strike on a weekedn and landed us in the Emergency Room because of suspected dehydration. He turned out to be OK, but the visit was a major improvement because the doctor on hand switched Lex to Prevacid.
Lex is still on Prevacid Solutabs (more than 16 months later) but this is not the original prescribed form. The problem with this prescription was that is was for the little pellet packets. Luckily our insurance couldn’t process it right because my wife has read that administering it was a nightmare. The Pediatrician switched the prescription to a compound of Prevacid and this worked at first, but it was a big hassle because the compound was only viable for 2 weeks and our insurance required manual processing and rejected more than one submission per month.
My wife dug in again and discovered Prevacid Solutabs. We ran it by the pediatrician and they checked with a specialist who blessed it and said that these were quite common. Back then somewhere between 3 and 4 months Lex was on half a 15 mg tablet twice per day. The Prevacid Solutabs are artificially sweetened and flavored (strawberry) and Lex took them willingly. When we was younger we had to hold them in his cheek until they dissolved, but now he just takes it right on his tongue. Lex is on 15mg twice a day now, but that is not two 15 mg Prevacid Solutabs. Doing that was two expensive and the insurance was a major pain. Finally we switched to a 90-day supply of 30mg Prevacid Solutabs, half a tablet twice a day.
I know that cutting pills is not an exact science, but precision is not necessary in this. More important is the timing. 45 minutes after food or drink and no food or drink for 30 minutes after the dosage. Stick to this and you will see a happier child.
Now Prevacid was not the only medication that Lex started back then. He was on some weird colic medication that we eventually stopped because results were inconclusive. But Dr. Navarro recommended something his colleague was testing as a treatment for Colic, probiotics. Specifically he recommended “Lactobacillus GG” which is commonly sold by the “Culturelle
Lex also started taking “Bethanechol” at about 3 or 4 months of age. This is a simple compound (necessary for administration to a young child). CVS and Rite Aid have agreed to make it for us after a little discussion (and they don’t usually do compounds). The drug is a motility agent that helps get food out of the stomach sooner. We have stopped and restarted Bethanechol many times. Presently Lex is still on 1.5 ml twice per day. The concentration is 1mg per 1 ml. Anyway, those are his medications. They keep him from pain and as a result happier than he would be without them. They require some timing (Bethanechol can cause nausea so not right before or after food), but once we worked this into our routines there was not too much disruption.
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